A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I try not to generalize, but I'm pretty sure anyone who eats a Kit Kat whole instead of breaking it apart is a psychotic murderer.
Its not my fault I have a double-chin...when God was giving out chins..I thought he said Gin so I said I'll have a double.
Considering catnip was probably my low point.
Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Brad Pitt: No.
Matt Damon: No.
Christian Bale: No.
Jason Statham: No.
Matt Dillon: No.
Keanu Reeves: Yes!