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Sep 11 2013

@SkunkRiverNPS: Keep an eye out for baby turtles on the road and help them cross in the direction they're headed. We recommend a good four-seam fastball.

 
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Nov 02 2013

@TheWriteStuff2u: Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps.

 
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Nov 06 2013

@TheWriteStuff2u: I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line.

 
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Nov 20 2013

@wickedblondeone: The Pope is putting out a Christmas album. And just like that, Lady Gaga now has the SECOND weirdest wardrobe in music

 
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Apr 03

@LisAHHHHHHHH: "Psss. hey Eve, I can also show you where God hides his pot"

 
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Mar 30

@ClaytonSykes: An easy way to tell if you're depressed is if you cry/smile when dispensing cheese on your gas station nachos.

 
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Nov 10 2013

@pizza_dragon: "What are you doing in my kitchen, Ghost Dad?" "Wait how can you see me I'm invisi-" "I doubt a Cosby sweater is feeding itself J-E-L-L-O."

 
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Jan 09

@timdonakowski: So when Edison had the idea for the lightbulb, what exactly popped up above his head?

 
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