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Jan 15 2014

@lava89: I never give crisp dollars in birthday cards, because I hate to waste good vending machine money.

 
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Nov 02 2013

@TheWriteStuff2u: Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps.

 
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Oct 11 2013

@RyanMaxRiley: My most dangerous word is shenanigans, a hard word to translate because, like all Irish words, it has a certain level of trickery built in

 
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Jan 25 2014

@LisaOsepyan: The movie "her" is just a rip off of plankton and Karen

 
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Dec 12 2013

@vikkaroni: I really think it's time to buy a new house. This one is just too messy to live in anymore.

 
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Jan 05 2014

@ChaoticBeny: Hey you with the Uggs, Michael Kors bag, iPhone, scarf and super excited voice.. *70 million white women turn around*

 
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Mar 22 2014

@Michael_Erhart: Frogs must have unlimited lives to be able to croak as much as they do.

 
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Sep 18 2013

@RyanMaxRiley: Zoologists, do worms know where hell is?

 
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