It must've been great to be the first person to use an ATM. Your friends would think you had super powers to make money.
Her: Do you have protection? Me: Uhmm! like a sword?
I heard my GF ask the TV, "Ugh, why do people think Adam Levine is sexy?" I smiled into the mirror, nodded, and finished shaving my back.
Every vodka bottle comes with a prize at the bottom. Its called regret.
Your bio says you have a masters in psychology, but here we are starring the same dick jokes and I don't have any student loans.
I think about wizards and dragons way more than a wizard of 3 small dragons should. Dammit I meant mother of 3 small dragons. Dammit I meant
Ah, the wonders of young love. Sooner or later, someone is going to end up in an institution. #TCMParty #SplendorInTheGrass
Pee your name in the snow and you'll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools.