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Jan 01 2014

@vikkaroni: My dad always says everything goes with beer, even chocolate. I call bullshit. Douchebags. Douchebags do not go well with beer.

 
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Jul 30 2013

@TheWriteStuff2u: Boss made me put a nametag over my left bosom. I leaned over and said, "Now, what shall we name the other one?"

 
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Mar 01 2014

@Michael_Erhart: I should be in Guinness World Records for longest record of being single.

 
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Mar 11 2014

@lava89: It must've been great to be the first person to use an ATM. Your friends would think you had super powers to make money.

 
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Nov 21 2013

@Michael_Erhart: For future reference, use a time machine.

 
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Aug 06 2013

@davidasyne: Wine definitely counts as a serving of fruit, right?

 
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May 24 2014

@MsCassieDaniels: Wait? So Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton are two different people!?

 
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Nov 29 2013

@Wandrnrose7: Boyfriend: My girlfriend is so "green" her idea of nail polish remover is waiting for her toenails to grow out before repainting!

 
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