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Jan 09 2014

@FinnMcIver: Hopefully more sportsmen and women follow Tom Daley's lead, and come out. We really need more biathletes.

 
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Jan 20 2014

@Tumi_De_real: Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass

 
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May 17 2014

@garrydavenport: If I was a serial killer, I'd specialise in killing dwarves. Only because I hate digging.

 
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Nov 04 2013

@FuckJeffGolblum: #PerksOfDatingMe I sleep all day and wake up at 3pm so i basically cant cheat on u.

 
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Feb 13 2014

@Michael_Erhart: No image results for "Guy riding a giant hermit crab with a shell made out of a large cinnamon roll"? Get your act together, Google.

 
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Sep 26 2013

@mofrorock: If you look in a mirror and say 'synergy' 3 times, a marketing executive appears and asks if we could touch base closer to the end of play?

 
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Jan 30 2014

@StoferComic: I called 911 in a panic after catching my pants on fire. They thought I was lying.

 
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Mar 16 2014

@LeonEarlgrey: Got some upside down teardrop tattoos for all my baby homies who were just born.

 
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