If you throw them hard enough, pigs WILL fly
The box of chocolates my daughter's boyfriend got her smells suspiciously like I'm about to eat them all.
My penis shape-shifted into a potato!
Few people have the balls to admit when they're wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
I don't motorboat; I paddlewheel. It's the small-boobs version.
Got some upside down teardrop tattoos for all my baby homies who were just born.
Remember, life is a gift. Some of it's just underwear.
LSD is a tripping hazard