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Aug 01 2013

@TheWriteStuff2u: First time at a chinese supermarket. Staff: “What u want?” Me: “What’s dead?”

 
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Oct 25 2013

@carlyken: Neighbors are the most dangerous type of strangers because they know where you live.

 
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Feb 27

@bunyunn: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home," I recited, as my body flew through space and time into a Dunkin Donuts garbage can

 
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Mar 21

@Michael_Erhart: I just found the best carpet stain remover! Wood floors.

 
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Feb 13

@iGreenMonk: Never underestimate a woman's ability to make anything your fault.

 
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Dec 13 2013

@infimiz_one: Its Pretty cool how Facebook lets you stay connected with people you haven't seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis

 
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Feb 09

@infimiz_one: There's no use worrying about things you can't control. And the good news is, that's pretty much everything

 
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Apr 01 2012

@BlotterMonkey: Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can't really fly -next"

 
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