Submit your tweets today

Aug 03 2013

@wickedblondeone: If you throw them hard enough, pigs WILL fly

 
4
 
 
0

Feb 14 2014

@vikkaroni: The box of chocolates my daughter's boyfriend got her smells suspiciously like I'm about to eat them all.

 
33
 
 
0

Jul 11 2013

@RosuAdytzu: My penis shape-shifted into a potato!

 
1
 
 
2

Sep 28 2013

@byrdie_num_num: Few people have the balls to admit when they're wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.

 
1
 
 
0

Nov 06 2013

@GFGander: I don't motorboat; I paddlewheel. It's the small-boobs version.

 
1
 
 
1

Mar 16 2014

@LeonEarlgrey: Got some upside down teardrop tattoos for all my baby homies who were just born.

 
1
 
 
0

Dec 04 2013

@Michael_Erhart: Remember, life is a gift. Some of it's just underwear.

 
4
 
 
1

Dec 09 2013

@LeonEarlgrey: LSD is a tripping hazard

 
6
 
 
1