Keep an eye out for baby turtles on the road and help them cross in the direction they're headed. We recommend a good four-seam fastball.
Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps.
I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line.
The Pope is putting out a Christmas album. And just like that, Lady Gaga now has the SECOND weirdest wardrobe in music
"Psss. hey Eve, I can also show you where God hides his pot"
An easy way to tell if you're depressed is if you cry/smile when dispensing cheese on your gas station nachos.
"What are you doing in my kitchen, Ghost Dad?"
"Wait how can you see me I'm invisi-"
"I doubt a Cosby sweater is feeding itself J-E-L-L-O."
So when Edison had the idea for the lightbulb, what exactly popped up above his head?