Just saw a shooting star. It was shooting at me! I ran.
I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?
My Girlfriend just told me to go to hell, anyone else need anything from Walmart?
If I was a serial killer, I'd specialise in killing dwarves. Only because I hate digging.
What did the dentist say to the dog? Nice houndstooth jacket.
I like to think of myself as a feminist until I remember I don't own a single Tori Amos album.
My friend just got a brand new mustang. So jealous, I wish I could ride a horse to work every morning. :(
Is it officially dating after 3 or 4 likes on Instagram? I can never remember.