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Aug 07 2013

@jenashley_: US military should stop water boarding and instead make terrorists listen to that duet between pink and the guy from fun

 
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Feb 25 2014

@vikkaroni: If I lived a double life I'd probably disappoint my mother twice as much.

 
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Feb 10 2014

@LeonEarlgrey: i don't have to do much cardio, because I'm almost always running from my responsibilities.

 
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Feb 02 2014

@Tumi_De_real: Look its Bigfoot! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy

 
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Mar 31 2014

@LisaOsepyan: I'm like O-positive blood; universally compatible

 
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Jun 08 2014

@MsCassieDaniels: Uncle Ben's instant tastes nothing like uncle Ben's original and now I can say I've officially been disappointed by every man in my life.

 
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Oct 28 2014

@snowmedia: Are you so smart phone trained that you have actually tried to zoom in with your thumb and index finger on an actual printed magazine?

 
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May 17 2014

@garrydavenport: If I was a serial killer, I'd specialise in killing dwarves. Only because I hate digging.

 
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