If I ever had sex with Mila Kunis, when she starts moaning, I would get real close to her ear and whisper "Shutup Meg".
What did the dentist say to the dog? Nice houndstooth jacket.
If your boss asks you "Working hard or hardly working?", come back with a witty quip like "Tomorrow I'm bringing a gun to the office."
Twitter was one of the most searched on Google in 2013. If you need Google to find Twitter, you shouldn't be using the internet
If all the world's a stage I really need to fire whoever is in charge of my snappy comebacks.
My daughter's Facebook status said "I'm really wet right now ;)"... That's true she just came back from swimming..
Internet Explorer, the number one undisputed browser for downloading other browsers!
I think I just sprained my cameltoe.