Seeing my kids growing up so fast makes me realize that I'm becoming a DILF
As a kid I was soooo ugly I asked my parents if they loved me and they said "yes, but more like a friend"
I can't look in the mirror because I get lost in my own eyes
I'm so fancy Iggy Azalea is jealous
When I'm at a vending machine with only crumpled bills, I feel like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the bookwork breaks his glasses.
Love is all you need. Oh, and carbs.
what if next to verified checkmarks, there was a "this person looks like their profile pic" checkmark?
My caffeine has totally worn off. That makes me unarticulate. And I have trouble using words too.