I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says "May contain almonds." What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?
ur painting a masterpiece and u realize the acid u took yesterday hasn't worn off and no one else at the diner is smearing food on the walls
I Need plastic surgery... my blow up doll popped.
Remember, life is a gift. Some of it's just underwear.
I don't hate ALL people.
Just the ones that still breathe.
Found the PERFECT gift for my ex-husband for Christmas!
A new doormat.
Schindler sends wrong list to Santa
Reasons a girl is mad at you:
1. You know what you did
2. Wait. You don't even know?
3. You SHOULD know
4. You're being SUCH an asshole