*Kanye grabs mic from Harry Styles*
"I wanna say your band's name is cool, but North West is 2 directions and 2 times better."
Halloween is by far the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
My name was Pauline Wilson, but then I married and took my husband's name so now I'm Simon Wilson.
My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem.
If Liam Neeson keeps starring in the same film pretty soon he's going to be Taken 4: Granted
People glaring at me after their 'Amber Alert' siren goes off on their iphone is about how long it's been since I've shaved...
Today is my Cheat Day...and I'm not talking about Diets.
Why do people take selfies with a face that looks like they're taking a shit? Did you not learn how to smile or what